Keep It Pithy Read online

  4. If a parent is looking out for the child, he or she will educate that child in the best possible way. That includes paying college tuition if at all possible. Parents owe it to the kids to give them the tools to compete, and those tools are often expensive. But they come before vacation, the Harley, the leaf blower. If you don’t want to sacrifice for your children, don’t have them.

  5. Parents should be available at all times for emergency talks. “All access,” as the rock stars say. No excuses here. Ditch the meeting, get back from the mall, get off the phone. There is nothing more important than dealing with a child’s crisis immediately, even if it seems trivial to the parent.

  6. If a parent is looking out for the child, then that child’s friends will be screened, the kid’s whereabouts will be known at all times, and scholastic progress will be monitored daily. Homework will be looked at and questions about school will be asked. That’s how trouble is spotted before it gets out of hand; that’s how you bring out the best in your child. Children know you have a strong interest in their lives. They may bitch, but kids badly want that kind of attention. All the research shows that close parental monitoring is the leading factor in whether or not adolescents will engage in high-risk behavior.

  7. Rules will be enforced but explained. Parents who truly look out for their kids understand that there are rules in society and that high standards of behavior are the key to a successful life. Rules are good. But rules must have a logical objective. “Because I say so” can be effective when the kid gets stubborn, but before that conversation stopper is trotted out, try connecting some dots with your child. It doesn’t always work, but the effort is worth it.

  8. Parents will be honest at all times. Lead by example. No lying, no cheating, no nasty gossip, no cruelty, no manipulating, no jealousy toward your kids, no competing with them, no overindulging their various whims, and no overprotecting. Parents who are looking out for their children will prepare them for the rigors of this world. They will educate them after school, encourage generosity and spirituality, and generally do the right thing all the time. Or at least in front of them.

  9. Parents will be respectful of their parents. Grandparent abuse or neglect is among the worst possible things a child can see. This is a very important commandment. You can’t effectively look out for your kids if you don’t look out for your folks. (Even if your folks don’t deserve it.)

  10. Finally, effective parents will remove the TVs and computers from their kids’ rooms. All media absorption should be done in public space. This is a dangerous world, and the danger is now in the house. If a parent is really looking out for the kid, subversive material must be kept to an absolute minimum. Corrupting influences on children are everywhere, and parents must be full-time firefighters. Life is tough and getting tougher. The demons, the exploiters, want your kids. You must look out for them. Fight hard.

  Still true after all these years …

  Agreed?

  EIGHT

  From SNL to The Daily Show, from Moveon.org to Occupy Wall Street …

  It’s All One Big Liberal Joke—and a Disturbing Pattern

  In addition to the overwhelming liberal presence in print, TV comedians like David Letterman, Jon Stewart, and the cast of Saturday Night Live all lean to the left, as do their stables of gag writers. If you think such people are not important to the culture wars, you’ve been in a coma for the past ten years. Huge percentages of Americans, including many people in their twenties, report that they get much of their “news” from TV comedians. That might sound like a joke, but it’s absolutely true.

  It’s also true that on any given night, TV political humor is spread all around the ideological spectrum. But do the body counts: It’s the conservatives who are mocked the most. The cumulative effect of print and TV commentary that largely denigrates conservative thought and traditional values cannot be overestimated. It builds up in the minds of many Americans. It becomes huge.

  Any questions?

  (photo credit 8.1)

  But there’s an antidote.

  You guessed it: Fox News Channel, or FNC.

  What I’ve written before is still true now. Some of the names below have changed—life moves on—but the theme is the same.

  There is no question that FNC has a far more traditional feel than any other TV news network in America. Analysts like Sean Hannity, Brit Hume, and Charles Krauthammer generally approach issues from the conservative side, but there are also balancing voices on the left, like Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, and Juan Williams.

  And then there’s me. While I am, perhaps, the strongest traditionalist voice on the FNC team, my perspective does not translate into conservative ideology. As anyone who watches The Factor knows, we scrutinize all the powerful all the time—no matter where their politics lie.… As everyone in the nation’s capital knows, there is no political cheerleading on The Factor … period. We are watchdogs, not lapdogs.

  Here’s a simple account of my philosophy that I try to bring to TV every day.…

  In the No Spin Zone we challenge people who don’t directly answer the questions or purposely distort the facts. In order to impose the Zone rules, I have to interrupt when a guest begins to meander or, well, lie.

  There are three reasons for this. First, I don’t want to waste your time. Far too many TV interviewers allow their guests to blather on about nothing. Second, facts are facts—I have them in hand, and if the guest denies those facts, verbal confrontation immediately ensues. Finally, television is now run by computers. I have only so much time for each interview before the commercial break automatically appears on your screen. The machines have taken over.

  I have to interrupt to stay on time.

  It breaks my heart.

  I’m spinning. It doesn’t break my heart. I want people to GET TO THE POINT. I want them to be pithy. I want them to tell you the truth or what they think is the truth. I don’t want bloviating, equivocating, or weaseling of any kind. Chatus interruptus is sometimes desperately needed on television.

  Can I say “amen” to myself?

  And look, if you’re going to be in the spotlight every day, you’re gonna hear your critics, but you don’t always have to listen to them.

  Your mother probably told you—mine told me—that you should never talk about religion or politics. And what am I doing every night? Making a career out of talking about religion and politics and everything else on the planet. For that, I take a massive amount of heat.… Fair enough. But like Harry Truman, I can stick it out in the kitchen.

  Behind the refrigerator in that kitchen is often somebody like Barbara from Phoenix, who finds me personally offensive. “Mr. O’Reilly, you are rude, crude and unattractive. Nothing personal, just the facts as I see them.”

  Nooooo. Nothing personal, Barb. And if you think I’m unattractive on the tube, you should see me without makeup. Dogs howl. Bats fly in the daylight. Blowfish giggle.

  You still believe nontraditionalists do not have an explicit agenda?

  I guess you missed my exposure of the secular Ten Commandments about seven years ago. I’m not kidding.…

  ONE: Thou Shalt Not Make Any Judgment Regarding Most Private Personal Behavior. Man/Woman Is the Master/Mistress of the Universe and His/Her Gratification Is Paramount.

  TWO: Thou Shalt Not Worship or Acknowledge God in the Public Square, for Such an Exposition Could Be Offensive to Humankind.

  THREE: Thou Shalt Take from the Rich and Give to the Poor. No Private Property Is Sacrosanct.

  FOUR: Thou Shalt Circumvent Mother and Father in Personal Issues Such as Abortion and Sex Education in Public Schools [see Chapter Seven].

  FIVE: Thou Shalt Kill If Necessary to Promote Individual Rights in Cases of Abortion and Euthanasia.

  SIX: Thou Shalt Be Allowed to Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor If That Person Stands Against Secular Humanism.

  SEVEN: Thou Shalt Not Wage Preemptive War in Any Circumstance.

  EIGHT: Thou Shalt
Not Impede the Free Movement of Any Human Being on Earth. All Countries Should Be Welcoming Places Without Borders.

  NINE: Thou Shalt Not Prohibit Narcotics or Impede Personal Gratification in This Area.

  TEN: Thou Shalt Not Limit the Power of Government in Order to Provide “Prosperity” to All.

  Yes. There will be a test.

  But life is complicated.…

  No one should long for “the good old days” of news controlled by the powers of Washington, New York, and Hollywood. Thanks to increased competition, you are now much more likely to hear all sides of a story. Sometimes that’s more information and more scandal than you might want to hear, but it’s your right and your job as a citizen to face up to it. The news choices of today are an important change in your life. They help you decide what kind of country you want.

  According to the polls, most Americans know the press is not looking out for them, since journalists are ranked near the bottom of all admired professions, right between lawyers and car salespeople. (By the way, nurses are ranked first.) The reason that we wretches are under so much suspicion is that we are perceived as being arrogant. That charge is tossed my way often. I’ll let you make the call.

  But there is no question that journalists, especially TV media people like me, are frowned upon by many Americans, and I understand. Despite my job, I am one of those Americans disgusted with a powerful press that refuses to report on the reality of everyday life in the USA. We have an obligation to demand accountability from big corporations that sell trash to kids. We have an obligation to report on school principals like the one in Plymouth County, Massachusetts, who refused to publicly discipline two students who engaged in oral sex on a school bus in full view of other young students. I mean, what kind of message does an educator send when he believes disgraceful public conduct is a private matter?

  The fourteen-year-old girl and the sixteen-year-old boy who humiliated themselves and corrupted other children most likely got their oral sex education from the entertainment media (or President Clinton). We have an obligation to scrutinize show business and so-called “celebrities” who behave disgracefully. We have an obligation to hold the corrupters personally accountable.

  But we are not doing it. And because of this cowardice and apathy, the forces of darkness are allowed to go to the bank unchallenged and, at times, even glorified. Worse still, when some of us in the press do object to the corporate assault on our culture, we come under attack ourselves because the elite media never, ever want to be shown up.

  I’m not exaggerating; if you follow The Factor, you know that I am reviled in many media quarters and also in Hollywood. You will rarely see an article written about me that does not describe me as “contentious,” “bombastic,” “a blowhard,” or “bullying.” While that assessment may be accurate, couldn’t they throw in an “incisive” or “courageous” or something like that once in a while?

  Anyway, those adjectives are used only after the writer confers the label “conservative” on me. Why? Because in the world of the elite media, a conservative is someone who can be airily dismissed as a narrow-minded, predictable thinker. There are certain code words in the elite media’s lexicon, and “conservative” leads the list.

  Dealing with fear should be considered a traditional value, but few people actually do the work required.

  I believe that overcoming fear is an essential key to living a useful and honorable life. Taming fear also trains a person to stand up to injustice. This is very important. When it is all over, when you are dead in the ground or in an urn, your legacy will be defined by two simple questions: How many wrongs did you right, and how many people did you help when they needed it?

  That’s it. Nothing more. No one will care how much money you made or what kind of car you drove. Those things don’t inspire memorable eulogies.

  So you can go ahead and hose people all day long, amassing great wealth and power, but what, exactly, does that mean? Nada, that’s what. Note to the greed-heads and evildoers: You may be remembered for your misdeeds, but only as objects of ridicule or revulsion. On the other hand, the person who makes things better in this world will not be easily forgotten; his or her legacy will likely carry on. The good that you do in your life remains in the world.

  But make no mistake: To attempt to right wrongs means conflict, and you will suffer. Most people are afraid of that suffering, so most people sit it out. My father was a role model in this regard, a good man afraid to stand up.

  My core belief, as stated in my book Culture Warrior, is that life is a constant struggle between good and evil. That each person has free will and must choose a side. Refusing to choose puts one in the evil category by default, because bad things will then go unchallenged. The German people during the Nazi era demonstrated this better than anyone else. Most Germans were not Nazis, but most stood by and allowed incredible atrocities because they were either afraid or apathetic. Then they were forced to defend those atrocities by fighting World War II. Germany is still branded by that disgrace to this day.

  But most evil is not as obvious as the work of Hitler and his pals, who flat out told the folks they were murderous racists. No, most bad people, out of cowardice or self-interest, attempt to disguise their evil. Some get justice, but some do not. For me, that’s the most frustrating part of life: seeing evil individuals continue to harm people with impunity.

  Keeping It Pithy

  NINE

  GETTING BACK TO TRADITIONAL VALUES

  “The Code of the Traditional Warrior” and Other Top Hits

  In my writings, TV talking points, and other bloviations over the years, I’ve often referred to traditional American values.

  Just to be clear, I’ve broken my ideas on the subject down to ten pithy subjects. They define, I believe, a code for us to live by, if we choose.

  1. Keep your promises.

  2. Focus on other people, not yourself.

  3. See the world the way it is, not the way you want it to be.

  4. Understand and respect Judeo-Christian philosophy.

  5. Respect the nobility of America.

  6. Allow yourself to make fact-based judgments.

  7. Respect and defend private property.

  8. Develop mental toughness.

  9. Defend the weak and vulnerable.

  10. Engage the secular-progressive opposition in a straightforward and honest manner.

  Almost 230 years ago the American Constitution enshrined these concepts—every one of them, if you look—in different words. (Thomas Jefferson might have had a paroxysm, a thing people used to do, over a term like “fact-based.” But I think he’d get the point.)

  I don’t expect you to tape these ten subjects to your bathroom mirror.

  But you could certainly do worse.

  Speaking of traditional values …

  Sex is supposed to be a private activity between consenting adults who are honest with each other, sharing pleasure and affection, and then shut up afterward.

  Men, if a woman shares her body, take it as a gift of affection, not proof that you’re stud of the month.

  Ladies, if you said yes without being forced, then don’t brag to your coworkers or your homegals.

  By the way …

  Researchers at Johns Hopkins have found that straining too heavily during sex can induce six to twelve hours of amnesia. This effect is called the Valsalva maneuver. So Clinton had a good medical excuse for his, uh, foggy grand jury testimony about his relations with Monica Lewinsky? And they weren’t trivial, anyway. No. Under oath, there are no trivialities. By the way, what was the name of that maneuver again?

  As you’ll read in the last chapter, I’ve changed my mind about several different issues over the last few years.

  One is gay marriage. I have not, as the president put it in his own case, “evolved.” I’ve come to another conclusion, which you will soon read.

  But I agree wholeheartedly with the following, written in 2000:

&
nbsp; Dykes on Bikes? Take a hike! Can’t you “express yourself” without throwing it in our faces?

  When I’m walking down the street with a five-year-old, I don’t want to have to try to explain why Jack is dressed up like Jill or Jill is wearing a buzz cut. The kid shouldn’t have to be dealing with any sexual ideas at all, much less a couple of thousand folks marching around in drag or half-naked in order to “celebrate their sexuality.” Give us all a break. Express your sexuality where the rest of us do, if we have any sense: at home, with the blinds drawn.

  On the other hand, religious fanatics who demonize gays and other alternative groups aren’t covering themselves with glory, either. Yes, I know about the references to homosexuality as “an abomination” in Leviticus, but I also know what the Old Testament says about slavery. As long as a sexual issue is not intruding on your freedom or endangering your kids, leave it to God to sort it out. The deity is a lot smarter than we are. That’s also in the Bible.

  Hold that thought.…

  Tammy from Tennessee is fired up because I believe homosexuals should have equal protection under the law. “O’Reilly, why do you hate Christians? I believe the Bible is the word of God, and I take it literally. Homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord. Why are you so intolerant?”

  Tammy, it is your right to believe in the Bible and live according to it. It is not your right to impose that belief on anyone else. I happen to believe that all Americans have a right to make a living and have a lifestyle free from religious judgment. As long as gays or any other group do not intrude on you, they should be left alone. Let God sort the private stuff out. He is smart enough to do it right.